Food for thought

It has taken me a long time to write this blog. In fact it has taken the last 10 years, and if I'm honest I  think that my views and attitude towards food will change every day. I do want to say that what I have written here are my views and my experiences, and they may be a little confusing to read because they are still a little confusing to me.

See food to me is something which my life revolves around, and I know that a lot of people will say that it shouldn't, but I can't help it. It's everywhere I look, it's in everything I do and it's consciously or subconsciously on my mind all of the time. Food plays a central role in our lives - from birth we develop a deep association with food and emotions. We celebrate with it at weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, holidays, promotions etc.. and we also drown our sorrows with.

We all know how food will physically affect people with diabetes, but how will an individual use food according to their specific emotional state? Do we feed our diabetes and our emotions in a healthy way?

Before I was diagnosed with diabetes I was known in my family for being the dustbin. I would eat huge portions and never put on any weight. I've always been told that I was a fussy eater, but when I found something which I liked I could put Adam Richman (man vs food) to shame! Not anymore.... Now I have very mixed feelings towards food.

When a person with diabetes wants to eat they need to consider:

How big the portion is, how many carbs are in that portion, the fat content, the calories, which food group it belongs to, which foods we are eating it with (eg fruit as part of a meal or as a snack), if we need to split a dose of fast acting insulin and many more aspects.

For a lot of people this takes time and planning, but that's not the end of it.. We then:

• Prick our fingers to test our blood sugars
• Calculate an insulin dose based on how many carbs we are eating and what our blood sugar result was
• Check our blood sugars again 2-4 hours later
• Eat again/treat a hypo if we took too much insulin
• Take more insulin if we didn't have enough to cover the food
• Record information
• Adjust our insulin doses according to illness and physical activity

It's a massive amount of information to think about for something which should be so simple, and something that a lot of people take for granted. It's not just a quick injection or pushing a button on an insulin pump.. it's so much more than that. Now I find that I over think food, and how can I not? The way that I look at food is completely different to before I was diagnosed. There is so much detail that I didn't consider before, and looking at this detail every time I eat has affected the way that I feel towards food.

Does this have a positive or negative effect on relationships and emotions regarding food?

It's a mixture of the both for me and as I said earlier ths changes on a daily basis. If I have a healthy day with great blood sugars then that's something to celebrate (usually with more food)! If I have an unhealthy day but still have great blood sugars, then even better! This means that I'm getting calculations correct, that I'm understanding what my body needs and how it reacts. It makes me feel confident and motivated to carry on, pushing that little bit harder to explore my diabetes, to play with it and to understand what it needs!

However there is the flip side....

Has anybody ever felt guilty for eating.. whether you have diabetes or not? It seems silly doesn't it? We eat to survive, we eat when socialising, we eat for energy when exercising.... it's something which we need to do. So why is there a feeling of guilt?

"Are you allowed to eat that?"

I've lost count of the amount of times I've been asked this, and along with "are you the type who needs sugar or has too much?" I can't help but put my head in my hands at this question. I don't blame people for asking this because as we all know people aren't being educated about type 1 diabetes as much as they could be. I'm pleased that people are taking an interest and I know deep down that they're only asking because they worry about me.

However I also can't help the nagging feeling of guilt when I do "eat that". The majority of the time I will carry on, eat the big yummy treat and say; "Yep, I can eat what I want as long as I take my insulin to cover it." Though there are times when inside I'm saying to myself; "Should I be eating this? What will people think if I do?" and I already know the answer. I can eat anything in moderation using the skills that my HCPs have taught me.

Another factor which has greatly influenced the choices I make when eating is how type 1 diabetes is portrayed in the media. I don't need to tell anyone that dramatic and shocking news sells, and it sells well. The media wants to spark a reaction out of people, to gather interest and to keep their audience coming back for more. That stigma which is placed on people with type 1 diabetes as being overweight, unhealthy and making the wrong lifestyle choices has only fueled the guilt that I feel, and my feelings of

frustration towards food. On top that, advertising will barrage us with images and messages about how we can achieve beauty, a desirable physique and the perfect lifestyle.

I admit that I have turned food down before because I've worried about what people would think, and because I didn't want to be judged as a stereotype which is wrongly shown time and time again.

It was a horrible feeling to battle with myself over something which I do every day, which I need to do every day. I suppose at the time I felt that I was letting myself down by saying no to something that I wanted. It was also my chance to educate the people around me as to why I can eat the same food that they can, but I just gave up through that frustration and guilt. On one hand there's the food intake and on the other there's the emotional consequence. Luckily now the food intake is starting to out-weigh the emotional side for me, thanks to the help of my dietitian.

I had never seen a dietitian until this time last year and I know that those appointments have made a huge impact towards me turning my life with diabetes around. My dietitian, Sue, is one of the biggest influences in my treatment because she makes going to my clinic enjoyable as well as educational! She's taught me everything I know about carb counting, corrective insulin doses, why my blood sugars do what they do, how food affects my blood sugars etc, and on top of that she always takes the time to talk about me. She remembers what I tell her about my personal life, my work and even laughs at my terrible jokes! Sue doesn't judge me for my eating habits and the choices I make, she doesn't even mention them, but she guides me in a way which allows me to help myself.

So that's what I've been doing for the past few months. Looking at different situations, taking a step back and thinking for myself about how I can make them work for me. Take eating out for example (and I mean anywhere apart from home).. I used to dread this but at the same time get excited about getting away from the mundane diet which I've created for myself. I'm such a pain when I eat out because although I'm not a vegetarian anymore, I rarely eat meat and if I do I only eat chicken. I don't try anything new (I shocked someone at work last week by announcing that I've never had steak or mushrooms before) but it doesn't mean that I don't enjoy food!

I do enjoy food, I just don't enjoy the worry I sometimes placed in front of it. It's like I have a side dish of worry, that's the best way to explain it. I'm not only worrying about what people think if they see me munching on chips cheese and mayonnaise (my favourite!), but also about what it will do to my blood sugars. It's very difficult to correctly carb count when eating out as very few places show carb amounts on their menu. Luckily there are hundreds of people on social networking sites who will be abe to tell me within minutes the correct carb amount. But what if they weren't there? What if I didn't have my carb counting app? It would be a guessing game, which I don't want to do. What do other people do when they are in the same situation? Do they have a side plate of worry too?

Sadly I don't think that I'm the only one who has been through this. I can see it in the way that other people blog, their tweets, their facebook status' and comments, and I can see myself in those words. I can see it in the messages that people send me and I just wish there was more that could be done to help them.

I've coped on my own for 10 years for many different reasons, but during that time I didn't recognise that my behaviours were changing. It really did sneak up on me and it wasn't until complications had set in that I actually did something about it. I think that the best way to overcome this is to consider how food will support my diabetes and rethink any poor philosophies, as well as reconstructing my attitude e.g - I used to have a theory a long time ago that no carbs = no diabetes. I know that having a positive attitude will play a big part in correctly treating a problem, and once there is a self-belief then tackling the difficulties with food will become easier to manage.

I intend to get that positive attitude and belief by sharing my worries and fears, and I hope that I can help people along the
way.. and maybe a few others will join me as well.

Ninjabetic

Stop bashing my Health Care Professionals….

I’m sure that we have all read in the papers at some point that diabetes care is not at the standard that it should be. That “Only half of NHS patients are receiving acceptable care” - The Independent. As people with diabetes we want to know why this is happening and what is being done about it! As soon as a story is published with any negativity it causes uproar throughout the diabetes community, and I for one admit that I’ve joined in before! It’s so easy to get caught up in it all, but we need to stop and think about how this negativity affects those who are trying their best to help us.

Do we really think that hcps aren’t trying? That they only put in half hearted efforts? That they spend years at medical school to not give everything they have to their patients?

I don’t have statistics or charts to show you all because none of that matters to me right now. I can feel in myself everyday that the work my hcps have put in is doing me the world of good and that is what is important to me.

We need to show that there isn’t just bad news out there, that diabetes care has come on leaps and bounds in the last few years and most of all we need to pull together as a team to support our hcps…. because where would we be if we didn’t have them? We need them, and I know that they do their absolute best to give us the care we deserve! So next time we see the papers bashing our hcps, please stop and think from every angle about where to place the blame.

I collected a few stories today from people who agree that hcps are wonderful people and they deserve a massive pat on the back for what they have done for us. Please read through them and add your own  story in the comments section at the bottom of the blog if you would like to contribute!

Jen said; “I'll always be thankful for my DSN teams through the years, especially the ones that said yes to be trained to do the DAFNE course. You guys are a big part of the reason I'm still alive today. Thank you also for helping my parents cope with their daughter's diagnosis at such a young age. I can fully appreciate that being healthcare professionals is never easy; trust the ignorant to make it all black and white when it's not.” - Jean, Belinda, Frank & Doctor Huston at James Paget University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust.

 

Gemma said; “The team I work with in the Ulster hospital are very close knit and supportive they have seen me through pregnancy related diabetes, and followed my journey to where I am now. They have always supported my requests and always been full of encouragement even when things weren't going my way. They taught me that one bad sugar is not the end of the world. What matters is trying your best and living your life Best piece of advice - You are a person first and diabetic second, and that should never change.” - Ulster Hospital, Belfast.

Martyn said; “My diabetes team are my guardian angels. When I think of all the positive things that have come out of my diabetes, they're right there... it was my DSN who encouraged me to start volunteering for Diabetes UK, because she helps to organise weekends for children with diabete. If I have a question, about going to a music festival or even just how to deal with a cold, I know she's right there on the end of the phone or email if I need her. She, and the fantastic doctors at my clinic, worked to get me an insulin pump, and I'm so grateful, because it's given my diabetes a kick up the proverbial backside. Finally, I feel I should give a quick mention to my local doctor's surgery and pharmacy. 99% of the time, they put up with my constant prescription changes and requests, and they always get my repeat prescriptions sorted in about a day. So thanks, everyone, for keeping me alive and happy! You're alright really.” - Hospital: Princess Royal Hospital, Telford.

Hannah said; "my doctor for every moan i have about him is a truely brilliant doctor. i cannot put into words the grattitude i have to him for what he did. he never ever gave up on me at my worst and when he did get through to me and i changed he was there for advice and support every step of the way. him and my dsn are on the end of the phone of the computer if i need help, and my dr keeps a check through the dsn on all of us. not just is he a brilliant doctor in every way but i actually get on with him as a person, he doesn't make the appointment all about diabetes." - Fairfield General Hospital, Bury.

Leah said; "My son, aged 13 months, fell into a diabetic coma. He was transfered to Guys Hospital ICU and they were fantastic. Once he was out of the woods we were transfered to St Thomas Hospital, London, they were also amazing and so supportive. He was then moved back to our local hospital, Darenth Valley in Dartford, where his diabetic team have been fully supportive and helped me apply for the pump 6 years on. The regularly check in and help me. Our pump team, especially Ann from accucheck, have been amazing helping me overcome my fears and doing extra work training us. His diabetic paediatrician, Dr Gupta of Darenth Valley always refers to us as family and even comes to see my son whenever he is admited."

Ninjabetic (Me!); "Last year I was on a complete downward spiral when it came to my diabetes and I saw no way out. For me it was the end and nobody could change that. If I hadn't met my consultant then I am quite sure that I would not be writing this now. His enthusiasm and passion for diabetes and the commitment to his patients has inspired me to pull myself back. I honestly feel that I owe him my life and there are no words to thank him enough. He is completely dedicated to all of his patients and I know that he will always be there for me, whenever I need him. He deserves so much recognition for his hard work and dedication and I know that he will continue to improve the lives of people with diabetes in any way that he can. - Dr Partha Kar, Queen Alexandra Hospital, Cosham.

I'd just like to thank everyone for their stories and I hope you have all enjoyed reading this blog!

Ninjabetic