A few months ago I was cleaning
out my car (which meant I was ridding it of random test strips and scattered
jelly babies that had melted onto the fluffy floor) and I came across my
favourite Foo Fighters album ‘Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace’. This album
has been played on almost every car journey since my find with my favourite
track ‘But Honestly’ on repeat.
“…And tonight I thank the stars,
as I count my lucky scars, for everything you've given me…”
I have lots of scars, some from
silly accidents (mostly cooking related), but the majority of my scars are
diabetes related. I don’t notice the scars on my arms any more, probably because
I’m so used to them, but I don’t think they’ll ever fade completely. When I was
going through my ‘I don’t need insulin’ phase, and had blood sugars higher than
a giraffe on redbull, I used to have a horrible rash on my arms. For around 10
years people in the diabetes clinic looked at it, wrote a few notes and said a
few words that meant absolutely nothing to me, but they didn't ever diagnose
anything. As soon as I started getting my blood sugars under control the rash vanished, leaving behind some scars. Perhaps a good reminder for me not to go
back to the dark side of diabetes.
Moving in a little, I have a
lovely square shaped scar on my stomach that’s almost faded. This one’s from my
1st CGM (continuous glucose monitor) which, when taking off the
adhesive dressing that was holding it in place, took a chunk of skin with it. This
really annoyed me at the time as I didn't want such blatant reminders of what
diabetes leaves behind, but now it’s just another scar. Another story to tell. And
then comes the insulin pump dot to dot game. Taking out my cannulas always leaves
a little mark behind, and sometimes those marks don’t fade.
That brings me back to the lyrics
above. I’ve never been someone who likes to look flawless, I’ve always been a
tomboy – trying to be an action hero like Black Widow who can stand alongside
the guys and give as good as she gets. In turn, having scars doesn’t bother me
in the slightest, especially my diabetes scars. Each one tells a story, each
one makes me a bigger person and I think each one makes me stronger. I think
diabetes has definitely left its mark(s), and I glad it has.
Ninjabetic x